I drove something like seven hours non-stop yesterday, so I've decided to stay here another night to recharge and get my bearings.

San Carlos is a small beachfront town that is increasingly becoming a haven for Americans dodging winter. From what I can see there are a lot of Canadians down here too. I feel pretty ghetto in Veronica next to all these SPANK RV's in the Totonaka RV Park. But hey, if I look poor no one is going to steal my stuff and it frees me up to go into more remote parts of Mexico.

This is Mexico.. but at the same time I think it isn't. But it is a good place for me to transition and get comfortable.

I took a few pics and did some filming this morning while walking Moses. It's a beautiful place. I mostly am drawn to things that speak to either the temporal nature of all things, and images that speak to the fact that everything we build has its own individual lifespan. Nature on the other hand is timeless in its comfort with impermanence.

You can see that they were constructing new beachfront condos. I wonder if the American economy has anything to do with this place not being finished.

Also a shot of the island in the bay looking south.

An RV left on the beach. I'm assuming someone thought they could camp on the beach during high tide? There's a part of the road out in town due to what looks to have been a small tsunami. Maybe this RV was caught in the same storm.

Ocean/Beach Trash.

peace,d

Sunday, November 29, 2009
Location: San Carlos, Mexico

Drove all day today… was up at seven a.m. and headed down the highway towards the border yet again. This time better prepared, and more experienced, with 8mm camera by my side for driving snapshots of Nogalas.

I met a hydrology student in the park yesterday who gave me a few names of hydrologists to interview in Tucson. This is one of the main reasons this project has taken so long. Every time I’m about to leave a place, interviews appear, usually I stay a few more weeks, but this time I moved on. I can come back to these later if needed.

The signs are right for me to be going. I believe in signs and a natural rhythm to things that can act to inform us of change. I’ll never forget the day I decided to leave the Piikani Reservation. I was sitting in the picture window of the Littlewolf house, it was a cold fall day, and all of a sudden Morris’ cows wre coming across the field by the hundred. They had come home for winter, and for me it was a sign to leave south.

Yesterday I was sitting in my van in the park fixing a camera, when my van began to shake a bit. I pulled back the curtain to see out he front window. Outside the palm trees were swaying in the strong wind that had picked up. The soccer players out in the field played in what looked to be a small sandstorm.

I stepped outside and felt the gusts knocking me around. Moses came out with his head held high, nose pointing upwind. The clouds, rare for Tucson, toiled overhead. We both became a bit cold and hopped back into the shelter of Veronica.

The wind and I have a relationship. She speaks to me.

This morning my plan to leave was confirmed when I awoke to rain. It was cold and wet outside, again rare for Tucson.

___________
Moses and I were through the border in no time, and then to the tourist pass/vehicle importation checkpoint. All went well this time, although the procedure brought us into the afternoon.

Then off we went headed for a 25$ RV park in San Carlos. I had heard about staying in front of people’s houses, but wanted to spend my first night somewhere more secure. We didn’t really stop moving all day, except once, when I made two roast beef sandwiches and ate them afoot while walking Moses through a field next to the highway, strewn with trash.

The sun got lower, and I pushed Veronica a little harder, while keeping an eye out for cops. I was stopped once just past the checkpoint, for no apparent reason, he asked me to open my back doors, then let me go. Strange. I threw him off though I think by asking him a multitude of questions about Mexican speed limits. Something I learned from my brother, when the police stop you, talk to them a lot… often they’ll be too annoyed by your friendliness or lack of fear to press you. He probably doesn’t even remember teaching me that trick…

I feel like a pirate down here for some reason. I feel wild and rough. At the store before crossing the border I bought tow bottles of Captain Morgan Spiced Rum.. I don’t even drink.. but thought they might make good gifts/bribes for someone looking to jack my gear or give me a hard time. I guess that’s where the pirate image set in. But there’s something I love about being a little further off the map. I guess I just feel most of our North American reality has become a little rote and boring. We’ve lost our survival instincts, and there’s something about new and unfamiliar territory that brings us back to ourselves, and somehow back to life. Although I’m still by far in the safe zone, and don’t intend to go looking for trouble… just beauty, and adventure.

Anyways, we were racing against the sun and things lined up just right as we pulled into San Carlos just as the sky was turning black, leaving dusk, as night fell.

The guys at the RV park took one look at my van, spoke in Spanish about $25 dollars, but then laughed and asked me for 14$… it pays to have your rig look like a piece of junk… haha. For most people Mexicans up the price, for a vagabond like me, the price falls. I must be doing something right ;-)

Moses and I wend for a walk along the beach to unwind after seven hours of driving. I dropped him at the van where he dove into his food dish, while I went to a nearby restaurant for a fairly cheap dinner. Another walk afterwards, now blogging… and to bed.

G’Night Mexico, it’s nice to have met you. I feel good in your arms.

Peace,d

23-Nov-2009

Related topics: Supply Chain

There’s a perfect storm building for food prices. You don’t have to scan the horizon to see the signs; the clouds are developing all around us - at a faster rate than anyone expected.

Yesterday American Thanksgiving. I was giving thanks for all that I have. I beautiful girl, a great dog, and a wonderful and supportive family. I was also giving thanks for a safe journey thus far and all the beautiful people I've met along the way.

There's one more thing... as I headed south down highway 19 out of Tucson towards Mexico, I was giving thanks for an utter and complete lack of traffic. It seems everyone was either out playing football, stirring gravy, or preparing for the morning shopping rush of Black Friday.

I on the other hand was up at 6:30 a.m. with coffee in hand driving south towards Mexico. Stopped a few times for some last minute supplies, and to mail photocopies of my identification and vehicle registration to my father in Canada for safe keeping. I made three color copies of all this stuff the week before for stashing in the van and to send back.

I arrived at the US/Mexico border at around 10am and still the traffic was easy. I get pretty anxious at border crossings, there's no reason for it, I just get all tied up in knots. I drove down the hill and before I knew it I was at the green light telling me to pass. The car in front of me was pulled over, and in the chaos I proceeded slowly trying to understand if I was allowed to drive through or if I was supposed to stop. No one had looked at my passport or anything. While stopped looking for direction two border guards seeing it as an opportunity walked up to my van and just started trying to open the doors without warning. Encountering locked doors, they grew frustrated, until I rolled down the window saying "Dog! BIG DOG!". They immediately backed off and waved me onwards... Lol.. Moses isn't all that big, but I'm sure if some guys opened an unlocked door to my van without asking, he'd have something to say about it.

I need to get Spanish BEWARE OF DOG signs.

The thing about the Nogalas border is that the city of Nogalas is right up against the U.S. and you essentially cross the border right into downtown traffic and a flurry of migrant workers looking for a way north. The smog hits you immediately and there are people everywhere.. it's a clear transition from sterile and ordered America to the unordered chaos and randomness of Mexico.

I held on tight as I maneuvered my way through the seemingly random traffic threatening to crash into me at every instant. Finally I saw the sign for Hwy 15 out of the city. Within minutes the city gave way to rolling hills and the open expanse of Mexico.. Ahhhh it actually felt really good to be in this new country and out of the U.S.

I drove south 20km to the checkpoint where you are forced to stop and get a tourist pass and a sticker for your vehicle to ensure you don't import it. I jumped out of my van and grabbed my papers, and headed in the direction of the office. There I encountered some guys who through broken English helped me fill out my tourist pass application. I laughed with these guys at our inability to communicate and finally broke down and spoke what little spanish I have gathered while walking the dog the past couple weeks. They smiled, now understanding me, and directed me to the copy center and bank to finalize my paperwork.

At the copy place they asked for my passport, drivers license, and vehicle registration. I grabbed the first two and opened my wallet for the third.. only to realize it wasn't there. What? It's always there... I racked my brain, walked back to the van and proceeded to tear it apart top to bottom.. where did I put it.

Having not found it, I grabbed a color photocopy and returned to try to go without. I made it past the photocopiers fine and up to the bank window.. where after 10 minutes of suspense the woman asked me if I had the original... "No." She then directed me to the border guard standing near by who promptly shut down all hope whatsoever of going any further south.

I made some calls, jumped back in my van, and headed back to the US.. my guts tied in knots again at entering the US... For sure they're going to think I just went down for a drug run, for sure they're going to rip apart my van, for sure they're going to tell me I can't enter the U.S. without an original registration.. So much for 'feeding the faith and starving the fear'.

Turns out the U.S. border was a breeze and I arrived back in Tucson at 4pm and started making arrangements for my father to pick up a new registration in Canada and FedEx it to me.. FedEx... photocopies....

FedEx was closed until 8:30 am the next day (today).

I was up at 8:30 this morning and over to the office, the woman pulled a huge box out from behind the counter labeled lost and found, "We keep anythign that doesn't look replaceable" she tells me. As she goes through piles of items, it's really amazing what people leave behind, she tells me each stack represents a single day. THEN, there it is... my registration.

So yeah... my mother used to always say this German expression translated to English, "What's not in your head, is in your feet." in my case, what's not in the head is in a day to Mexico and back, a half tank of diesel, all to go back to now.here.

Well I guess it was a scouting mission, I filmed with DV through the Nogalas border, but Sunday when I go back in, I'll have more cameras ready to capture the scene.

peace,d

PS. Image from Gate's Pass outside Tucson

Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ

Yesterday having gotten my van back on the road, I met with David Eisenberg of the Development Center for Appropriate Technology. Sitting in the shade of some trees within a dry riverbed we launched into a beautiful on-camera dialog. We explored the idea of planning holistically for seven generations, and the idea that the most important interests to represent these days are the interests of future generations. In David's case, his eleven year old grandson.

Under the occasional rumble of military aircraft, we spoke about how much of the current system that produces the regulations and building codes that govern building and development are dominated by participants serving private interests rather than the public interest. Though there are plenty of opportunities for public interests to weigh in on codes and regulations, the public interest is often treated essentially as a special interest. Because of how the rules are written governing the need for "balance," those representing the public interest are typically in the minority in these public processes, as part of the "general" category of participants. The other two basic groups of participants are those representing two typically private interests sectors - producers and users, and since no one category of participants can have a majority, those purely representing the public interest are always in the minority.

David spoke to a vision of the future of building codes/regulations that would take the larger issues of our built environment and the long term viability and sustainability into greater consideration. Although the work is not always glamorous and 'fun,' to affect change at this higher level is to affect change all the way down to the cornerstones of our built environment. Imagine a world where profit driven interests are still served and stable while at the same time we are able to manage and take a holistic view of our supply streams, building waste streams, and structure lifespan and ecological/human impact.

Perhaps it's a tall order, but one worth pursuing, since it would affect our overall ability to adapt and respond ecologically far into our future. The argument against such new building codes seems to often be one of economic costs, however, I would argue that there are potentially huge economic benefits as well. It becomes a streamlining of the system to minimize not only unintended consequences but also waste streams that have negative economic impacts down the line. In this converging and increasingly global economy it only makes sense to realize that there is no such thing as AWAY and every shortcut here will eventually affect us there. If we are to truly look at the future of generations to come, now is the time to make key choices in how we move forward.

So I crashed into the deepest depression in years.. only to rise out of it again with camera in hand capturing some amazing images of Tucson from above. As I rose out of the city I found my perspective changing literally as I realized I just don't like cities and being surrounded by concrete. I don't know if I can or will ever go back long term to any urban landscape.

After leaving Sentinal Peak feeling energized I began to race across town to Mt. Lemmon to capture the sunset in all it's glory. I quickly realized that although my soul was filled back up, my van was running on empty. So racing against the sun I pulled into a gas station where I saw a green pump signifying diesel.

I ran into the store, gave the guy 40$ for pump #4 diesel he replied thank you, in broken english.. and upon filling up off I went!

It was only two blocks later in the middle of a rush hour intersection that my dear sweet veronica went dead. After trying to start her a few times while thinking, 'this is really not happening'... I jumped out and made the she's dead sign to the guys behind me.

Thank god for good people, who rather than speed off around me swearing, jumped out of their cars laughing and smiling and helped push me into the grocery store parking lot nearby. There I sat, staring at my steering wheel, trying my starter, thinking in short... OH NO...

I called my brother who tells me it sounds like either a fuel pump or bad fuel... I unscrew my gas cap... smells like gas (Veronica is a diesel).. I call the gas station repeatedly until someone with broken english picks up. "Do you ever have problems with people getting gas out of your diesel pump..?".. "What sir?" I repeat myself being as clear and polite as possible... "Sir, we don't have diesel...."

Oh SHIT!

So I spend the next 4hrs into the night laughing and siphoning fuel out of my tank into water jugs from the grocery store... Some guy who works at the store comes by out of nowhere, right as I'm about to suck back on the hose using my mouth, and lends me an actual siphon (I ended up giving him all the gas) for his truck. There I sleep overnight, Moses and I inundated by gas fumes. The next morning I woke up a bit high, bought a cup of coffee, and went back to work.

I spent another 4-6hrs draining my fuel pump, fuel lines and filter. halfway through this process I have to remove my battery and carry it to the nearby garage to have it charged while I walk the dog. I almost kill the battery again while purging the system, and when I've reassembled it it still doesnt' crank over... it's just about dead... when even though I'm not at all religious, I say out loud, "Help me Jesus!"

Vrooooom! she fires instantly the next try...

Someone is trying to make me a believer ;-)

peace,d

It's so easy to live in the moment when you're in the flow of things... when everything is falling into a blissful perfect place... when everything comes grinding to a halt and your left driving around in circles in a concrete jungle of urban sprawl... that's when the road is hard. So hard.

It's in the vacant and ebbing spaces of our reality that we're really and truly forced to face ourselves. It's in these spaces of nothingness that we find our loneliness, our ego, and our personal demons.

It's in this place that I am currently confronting purposelessness and fearful ideas of a film that is nothing while also being everything.

I find myself circling thinking about how I could be shooting so much more in Tucson.. while at the same time feeling that there's nothing that I really want to shoot. I don't see beauty in this world of urban sprawl and ubiquitous concrete. And maybe that's the challenge of this time.. to 'see' in a new way and to find the beauty in what to me is anything but beautiful. If I can overcome that way of seeing, perhaps I can find something truly worth sharing with others.

BE HERE NOW... is a great book by Ram Dass.. but it's also a message that resonates with me right now as well as with our broader times. To be here and capture the light of this place instead of longing towards the images of Mexico and the future. How so easily we get lost in the future, and in doing so, lose the present in all its discomfort, pleasure, pain, and even fundamental beauty.

So I'm going to shoot five rolls of still stock this weekend... one roll of 16mm, and a roll of med format... even if I think it's ugly out here.

Maybe that's why I have a such time with the work I aspire to do sometimes... since photography and film in the very nature of the decisive moment.. forces you into the present, and allows you to be nowhere else but now here.

peace,d

Location: Tucson, AZ
Thursday 19, 2009

Hung at the hostel till late in the eve last night working and having great conversations with people from all over. It's funny how you only realize how lonely you were when you find yourself back in the world engaging with like-minded folks. When I chat with Liz she comments on how it's nice to hear me happy on the road.. and it makes me realize.

Well it makes me realize a lot of things about being lost and found and all around, finding yourself and then finding what you lost in all that being found. It's funny, but it works out nice in just the right way, I find myself echoing the feelings that although there's still more road ahead and a beautiful journey I'm still ready to find myself back in a home, grounded and surrounded with loving people.

As it was getting late last night and the conversation was petering out, these this young guitar flingin' trio of self-described anarchist's (although they claim they're pretty relaxed about the whole thing compared to some) looking for a place to squat for the night. I've been around Tucson and I know a few good places so I invited them all to load up in Veronica for a ride across town. I ended up dropping them at the dry river bed where I've been walking the dog. It's a good place to lay your head in the dirt and call it home, and that's just what these guys did. I felt bad in the luxury of my van as I sped off wishing them a good nights sleep.

It's interesting, there's a pretty big Anarchist movement down here in the southwest, with places like Dry River and the Phoenix Anarchist Coalition. I always thought of anarchists as total lovers of chaos and disorder and even with these young guys, I was like, be careful what you wish for... since it's easy to stand against the man, while in reality, it's the man that provides us with food, clothing, some change in our pockets and shelter (regardless if it comes from a corp or a dumpster dive).. but still I say... it's nice to see people standing up for something! Especially young people, when everywhere else in this world it seems we've lost our idealistic youth to apathy and couch-surfing muscular atrophy.

And by the way, I was wrong on my thoughts of Anarchist as total lovers of chaos and disorder! Since although it is often implied it doesn't have to be that way...

1 a : absence of government b : a state of lawlessness or political disorder due to the absence of governmental authority c : a utopian society of individuals who enjoy complete freedom without government
2 a : absence or denial of any authority or established order b : absence of order: disorder

It's nice to see, regardless of if 'I' may think there's a few crossed wires and inconsistencies in the rationale. I've never really subscribed to any group or political philosophy. When asked I usually just reply that I'm a man.. plain and simple, since I find personally that we get ourselves into trouble when we create any nature of sides, dichotomy of 'us' and 'them'...

But then again, maybe I just haven't gotten angry enough and maybe I'm actually wrong in being a fence-sitter. Maybe throughout my twenties when friends invited me to go protest and fight 'the man' I should have gone... or not.

Alas through this inspired, politically-minded-trio of train-riding-vagabonds I guess I'm supporting, and on some level, reliving my youth. I think it's beautiful to see people who are thinking for themselves and finding their own way regardless of what that road entails and where it takes them.

This morning I picked them up out of the river bed, we ate some breakfast at Carls Jr. where they got tossed 7 free breakfast burgers from the staff who wanted to help them out. Man, it literally pays to be young when drifting, since it evokes everyone's parental instinct.

After some breaking of fast we headed off to the park where I recorded some of their musical stylings before dropping them off near some train tracks upon which they will find themselves heading in all directions. Steel wheels and cold nights of sleepless boxcar bliss.

Here's some music straight from them to you, recorded in a park this morning :-)

EliBlake.mp3
Anna.mp3

I'm so glad I have Veronica, Moses, and some rubber wheels under my feet! I admire these guys, but train riding and runnin' from the law ain't my bag any more... gettin' old.. the moderate voice in me speaks to that I guess. ;-)

peace,d

So pulled into Roadrunner Hostel last night and found my package of film stock in from Canada waiting for me. It was a heavy box which means lots of film to shoot over the next 6 months! I planning on shooting mostly film down there anyways so it should all work out well.

It's nice to be back at Roadrunner hostel surrounded by these young anarchists who are calling the place home right now. I've been lonely lately so the people vibe is suiting me fine.

So now all I'm waiting for before heading to Mexico is my final round of vaccines next Monday and the papers for the dog... then I'm off.

I've been having lots of conversations with Mexicans down here who are telling me I'm going to have a beautiful trip and now is the time to go. It eases my mind to hear this from locals from south of the border, and any of my remaining apprehension is quickly turning into excitement.

peace,d

So I thought I'd take some pics. Now that my small digital camera is clean again. Here are some shots.. Me and Moses down on the dry river bed with the old car I spent the morning taking film and photos of. My shopping cart with water and orange juice essentials.. and then impulse buy of magazine about environment and culture... why, when I'm so broke can I not resist. Rainbow and clouds over Tucson Mountains. And Moses, bored, laying on my leg while I read :-) peace,d

From my brotha Mike Highland in Philly. This is a beautiful demonstration of some of the themes I'm exploring, although I disagree that the answer is in further disconnecting from nature and creating an abstract mathematical reality. Food for thought. Thanks Mishawaka!

peace,d

Tucson, AZ
Wednesday, November 11, 2009

So I'm hanging in my morning park, where I walk the dog and eat breakfast, and it's heading into late afternoon as I clean my van, cut my hair, study Spanish and read. All of a sudden Moses jumps up in a vicious growl and leaps from the van before I can grab his collar. Outside I see this young homeless guy in army pants with his hands up in the air, standing frozen solid, Moses encircling him barking viciously.

I call Moses back into the van, telling the guy that the dog is fine unless he gets too close to the van. The dog is likely fine no matter what.. but these days, as he gets older, you never know, he seems to have new instincts forming as we get closer to Mexico.

So this guy asks me if I want to buy some food stamps, I oblige until I realize they're on a card and I'd have to go with him to the store. No thanks I tell him. He wanders off back into the park, and if I'm being honest I feel better he's gone.

After reading another chapter, he wanders back close to the van. This time I grab Moses by the collar before he can leap after him. He keeps his distance walking by, and calls out, "I'm going down to the store, gonna get you and I some steaks, and we'll have a bar-b-que over yonder by dem trees!" And off he goes...

I finish some reading and then debate whether he was serious, as should I get out of dodge before he comes back?

He does come back, waving his hands, "I got you a steak! And I even got yer dog one TOO! Com'on I'm gonna get some wood and we'll have some mesquite bar-B-que!" I figure a steak sounds good and Moses is definitely down.. So I, grab my knife, lock up the van and head over after him, keeping a close eye behind me, in case it's all a ploy to get robbed.

I help him gather wood, and he introduces himself as Jeremy. Thirty years old, from Kansas, been married twice, second girl only lasted nine months and took everything he owned. "After that I just decided I was done, and started walkin'! I walked for the first six months before catching my first train. I've been riding trains ever since, it's been three years."

I tell Jeremy of my own story of how I came to be vagabond van-dweller. Where I've been and what I've seen. But it's nothing compared to him, and he has the scars to prove it. He tells me how when you catch a train you usually don't know where it's going, and the only way to tell where you are after a day or two is to look out at the license plates to see what state you're in. After a while you start to figure out the lines and where they go. He's been crisscrossing the south mainly but has also made some trips up to Detroit where he had to get a bus out because he was stuck but shortlines.

"This one time, somewhere in Texas, the train stopped and the conductor found me and brutally hauled me off. He cuffed me to the engine dash next to this BIG ASS MEAN LOOKIN' DOG taht just stared at me... you know.. the kind that doesn't bark but looks like it wants to bite your face off!" After awhile another guy showed up and hauled me down tellin' me he had a jail full of Mexicans that would sure like to get their hands on me... I'm thinking I'm in deep shit! So he hauls me into a truck and cuffs me to the dash and we drive off to some backwoods dirt road and a beat up house.. he stops gets out and leaves me there.. I'm thinking, that's it I'm done, game over! After a while this guy comes out carrying a duffle bag, still lookin' mean as ever and gets back in the truck, he uncuffs me and tosses the bag at me. In it there are new boots, army pants and a jacket. He drives me to this lake and drops me off. Before speedin' off he points to the lake and a bridge up over yonder and says.. 'you might like that bridge!' Sure enough that was a great bridge for catchin' trains, a light at both ends! Turns out they weren't so bad after all, except for the rough way they hauled me around."

By now the coals are ready and night is falling fast. We toss on the steaks and I give Jeremy 5$ for mine saying he's likely worse off than I. He refuses at first but then accepts it gratefully. The steaks sizzle as we talk some more and then eat our meat off the concrete pic-nic table like animals. Moses eats his hamburger steak raw. During the carnivorous feast Jeremy mentions he needs to shave off his beard and I tell him I have clippers in my van.

It's getting dark and cold as we finish up our meal, I eat my whole steak, whereas Jeremy says he'll live off his for the next three days. He says some other interesting things like this while I spend time with him that give me a sense of his perspective. One thing in particular is about how America will never fall because there is so much stuff that the country could live off it's garbage for a hundred years. Everything he owns is either trash or was given to him.. and he doesn't own much. A small packsack and a water bottle is it. In the packsack, a tarp, two books, a jacket, and that's it... really. He makes my van look like the Hyatt!

I bring him back to the Hyatt and pull out my clippers.. he stands back ten feet or so in respect of Moses as he trims off his beard. Once it's gone he looks like any other thirty year old out there, except for some stains on his teeth and an edge that says he's been through some shit.

Overall he's a solid guy, which just goes to show you that neither dogs nor people can judge a book by their cover. He leaves me while I'm in mid-sentence, just walks away into the night, kinda strange and I think maybe he has a few mild mental issues going on. Just a few compared to the rest of North America. But he did tell me he hates people while we ate dinner.. so maybe he was all full up on conversation?

peace,
d

Waiting for a film shipment from Canada and for a GPS tracking device to come in that I ordered last week. Both should arrive this weekend or early next week, so that leaves me mostly killing time before I can head south.

Time Killers.

I've been spending more and more time walking the dog while listening to Spanish audio lessons. I'm starting to get a feel for it and it seems to be beginning to stick in my brain... but not yet dreaming in this new language.

I shaved my head yesterday because it's easier to keep clean this way, and again something to do.

This morning I dismantled my small digital camera that I use for blog pics. It's had dust inside on the digital sensor so I took the risk of taking it apart and blowing it out with compressed air! This was pretty tricky and the last time I attempted this I ruined a camera and had to buy a new one. I can't afford a new camera if I wanted one, so precariously I moved forward and with baited breath finally had it back together. And it WORKED... Sparticus rides again! You can see the before and after pics here.. unfortunately I could get shots of the process itself.. pretty messy and tedious.

Other than that I've been blogging and doing a little research into people and places to shoot in Tucson.. found a great aerial view of the city just now.. and I'll prob capture it today or tomorrow if the weather is looking clear!

Last but not least I just posted my HDV camera for sale on craigslist for $4500 with Lav mics and everything included. We'll see if I get any bites.. and if I do this will help me from going into debt in Mexico and leave me shooting mainly film on the journey south! It's hard to let go of such a prized asset but it feels like it may be necessary and it makes for a better story.. and encourages me to shoot more film heading south.

All in all, I'm keeping busy!
peace,
d

I stole this from the monthly Upaya Newsletter I receive,

"Wisdom, said one Zen teacher, is a ready mind. This fresh and open mind is the mind that does not rely on facts or knowledge or concepts. It is deeper than our conditioning. It is the mind that is not attached to fixed ideas about self or others. This is the courageous mind that is able to separate from the familiar landscape of mental busyness and dwell in the still reality of how things are, rather than how we think they should be. Not-knowing reflects the potential that all beings have for a clear and open mind—the wisdom mind of enlightenment that is at once groundless, intimate, transparent, inconceivable, and pervasive."

--Joan Halifax Roshi, Being with Dying (Shambhala 2008), l 2

I awoke a couple days ago with a question... am I a loser?

34 years old, broke, and living in a van drifting around the continent. Most of my contemporaries are off working in offices, moving and shaking the business world, and making money hand over fist. With this money they are buying houses, flat screen TV, making investments and I can only assume preparing for old age.

I lived that life once, and wasn't sad to leave it behind, but now as the final trickles of savings flow out of my bank account and I begin to go into debt, I find myself longing for security and bimonthly paychecks.

And in this world of ego and materialism I'm finding it hard not to compare myself with others out there in my age group. There's the guy at the coffee shop boasting about how his newest client is worth 3 million, or the fellow at the stop light next to me in his brand new Audi. There I am in Veronica, trinkets hanging off her mirror, panting dog in the back, squealing alternator belt... she's a beautiful goddess made of metal, but she's no new Audi.

But do I even want an Audi...? The answer in undeniably no. Nor do I want the identity rooted in wealth and possessions. But the ego is a hard thing to balance, and mine has been rearing it's head of late. It mainly comes up in the form of insecurity, which in turn is rooted (as far as I can tell) in a lack of faith.

On good days, I know it's all going to work out and the result will be a beautiful and abundant bliss-filled reality. And although the money is not here now, the money will come as this process rounds it's final turn. I have a wealth of content to draw from and a multitude of beautiful and inspiring stories from the journey I've traveled. Basically, on the good days I have faith.

On bad days, I fall into my bank account, my ego, and directionless wanderings, and my fear. What if I've shot a thousand hours of nothing... what if I run so far into debt and money limitations that I end up working construction instead of editing my film. What if broadcasters aren't interested, what if, what if, what if... fear, fear, fear.... I thought I was done with all that...

It just goes to show you, no matter how far you travel away from yourself and your ego, it's all still right there next to you.

Now I do seem to find myself having the luxury of self-reflection in this moment in time. Only now a day later I've been able to step outside and see my fear-based ego ravings for what they are. For this I am grateful.

I guess it all leads to the above quote and having a courageous mind.

So what IS...

Tucson, AZ - 73 degrees F.
Spanish audio lessons while walking the dog.
Translating Paulo Coelho from Spanish to English
Spanish book lessons in the park while Moses sleeps
Little cash, but good credit.. and locked in retirement savings
Some assets to sell off if I can (Satellite Phone, Shotgun mic, etc)
A beautiful girl, an amazing dog, a solid set of wheels, and an adventure ahead...

Or more specifically. Cool evening air, Ike's Cafe, music, dog at feet, blogging my heart away :-)

peace,d

Pretty crazy statements from the Finland's Ex- Chief Medical Officer. Don't really know what to make of this, but it's pretty scary for someone at her level to be making such statements.

peace,
d

Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Location: Tucson, Arizona

Back from a short visit to visit Liz in Denver. Had a lovingly lovely time with her, and had a chance to cruise down to Taos for a couple days to support her interview for midwifery college. I spent most of that time in Toas sick as a dog, so sadly didn't see any old New Mexico friends. Next time.

Now I'm back in Tucson and it's been a bit of a hard landing. This pic was taken as I arrived back at the van in the Airport long term parking. From a beautiful woman in a warm bed and a house with all the amenities of life... to a cold dark half-empty parking lot and empty van.

It's always a hard transition back to this journey that I'm determined to finish.

Yesterday morning I drove out to the Arizona countryside to pick up Moses at the ranch I left him at. He was stoked to see me, and he eased my pain as he jumped up through the van's window before I could even open the door. Almost as if to say, "I'm ready dad! Let's get this show on the road!" Road life would be unbearable without him.

Spent the last two days finding my bearings, and visiting a Tucson walk-in clinic where I was again diagnosed with strep throat. So back into the antibiotics!

Found a $1.50 shower, a place to sleep in the van, and some groovy little coffee shops to work out of. So life is returning to "normal". Next on my list is to get healthy, takes some crash Spanish courses, and locate and buy a SPOT satellite tracker to put my dear sweet mothers mind at rest while in Mexico.

peace,
d