Sunday, November 30, 2008
Location: Taos, New Mexico

Words I never thought I'd utter.

Here I am in Taos, NM, my alternator belt is loose and my battery isn't charging properly. I usually sleep up in the National Forests or on BLM land close to where I'm working, but it's not a good idea to head out into no mans land with a faulty charging system.

When I first realized the problem I drove around in circles for a while wondering where I could sleep downtown without the cops hassling me. Then I saw Wallmart.

Wallmart; a beacon for van-dwellers and campers everywhere. A place where you can sleep in the parking lot without any problems. A place to use the bathroom. A place to buy copious amounts of useless junk if you feel so inclined. I tend to only use the bathroom, but have been guilty of a few cheap quarts of oil, widgets, and thingymadoodals.

It's amazing to me that as the US economy grinds into a slowdown Wallmart is raking in the cash! There's something wrong with our system if whenever we fall on hard times instead of feeding our dollars into our local community we send them overseas through the Wallmart Machine. I think it's all part of the plan of global business... we vote with our dollars... we'll have no right to complain when The Future* arrives. (*The Future is wholly owned, operated and registered under Wallmart Inc.)

Anyways, so until tomorrow when I tighten my belts, Wally World it is. The view actually isn't half bad ;-) And wireless internet to boot of the coffee shop across the street.

peace,
d

Arrived in Taos about a week ago after leaving Chaco Canyon. Liz drove down to meet me from Colorado and we spent some time hanging out and getting to know the town. Taos is a pretty cool little place filled to the brim with art galleries and groovy peeps, some too groovy for their own good, and others just nice folks that you want to hang with.

I had an interview set up for the 25th with Michael Reynolds the founder of Earthship Biotecture and also set up a night in the newest earthship to date known as the Phoenix. The interview with Michael was a blast as he bowled me over with charisma, knowledge and stories of his lifelong process of building earthships. Michael is pretty well known around the world for his designs but there is not a touch of pretentiousness about him. Although he is a lightning bolt of a man, he also appears to have remained in touch with his humility and grace.

Earthships are structures that are built into and of the earth itself. They feature water catchment systems that collect rain water, solar panels and wind turbines that generate electricity, solar water heaters, indoor greenhouses that grow everything from bananas to grapes. These places are complete marvels of biotecture.

Michael, after some intense battles with the architectural establishment had his architecture license taken away. This after the judge that had been hired to hang him actually later testified in his defense. He shifted gears and became a Biotect creating the term Biotecture. And that's exactly what these buildings are.. it's almost unfair to call them buildings since they look and feel and I guess actually are living things. They feed off water and sunshine which allows them and everything within them to flourish.

I LOVE these buildings, but what I love most of all is not that they are sustainable and only cost about $100/year to run, I love the fact that they are extraordinary pieces of art. Every element seems to have been infused with creativity and love. Every line demonstrates a uniqueness only matched by nature itself. Every light fixture or doorknob is built of recycled objects that have been cut, bent and shaped into pure beauty.

I've been collecting interviews that relate to different ways of seeing and being in this world and how we build is central to it all. Currently we are still stuck in dated models of cookie cutter houses that are built despite the environment, actually in resistance to the natural world. Square buildings with few south facing windows and tied to a grid that depends upon them being energy hungry monsters. Insulation is good but nothing compared to what's possible, and environmental design these days means slapping on a few water saving measures and some solar panels for decoration. None of it is even close to enough.

There has to be an economic boom in the next little while and it has to be green. not lip service green but true green, the green of earthships. All the houses we have built in the last few decades need to be retrofitted for a low cost low energy future. We need to transform our office buildings into ecosystems utilizing south facing windows, interior and rooftop gardens, grey water filtration and natural heating and cooling systems. It's actually all quite simple. All we need is to see things for what they are instead of being stuck in a rigid and wasteful paradigm. I know it will happen and in some places it already is. I find this very exciting!

Staying in an earthship was something really special. Michael had told me in our earlier interview that everything grows thrives and heals inside an earthship and I have to agree. The peace and tranquility of the space left us feeling rejuvenated and calm. There is something about them that pulls you out of the urban disaster model and back into the earth, literally.

peace,d

Here's a video from the weather channel.. featuring the structures and Michael.

Thursday November 20, 2008
Location: Chaco Canyon

Arrived at Chaco Canyon late afternoon yesterday. On the way in I bought some firewood from a Navajo man outside a trading post. I paid five dollars for an armful but as I pulled up to the pile he smiled and loaded me up. As I opened the side door to the van and he just kept grabbing more and more wood. Soon I was asking him to stop.. "Please!" I said, "If you give me any more I'll be driving around with firewood for weeks." He laughed and wished me well on my travels. The people down here so far seem to be generous and wonderful!

Once in Chaco, I quickly set out to explore the sites before sunset. Immediately I was blown away by the immensity of the of the ruins left behind by the Pueblo dwellers hundreds of
years before my arrival. Chaco was in its prime between AD850 - 1250 and boy oh boy did they build! Not only extraordinary structures with up to four stories high but also major road networks that connected them to other Pueblo villages and cities to the North, South, East and West. What's more is that these roads were not simple foot paths used by traders and hunters but were actually engineered roadways that included steps and massive ramps to traverse canyons that were otherwise impassable.

The communities of Chaco Canyon were thought to be a major nexus for ceremonial, political and religious gathering of information and guidance. The cities within the canyon are all connected by sight lines thought to be for signaling purposes and the structures themselves are aligned with the celestial bodies above. The people who built these villages and cities were definitely very advanced not only in their ability to construct beautiful buildings but also in their knowledge of the landscape the heavens and the natural world around them.

"An impressive feature of Pueblo Bonito is its alignment to the cardinal directions. A line drawn through the center of the half moon shape forms a precise north-south axis and the eastern-half of its southern wall is aligned east-west. On the spring and fall equinoxes, the Sun rises and sets in perfect alignment with this wall.

Dr. Shelley Valdez, a member of the Pueblo Laguna Tribe, explained the importance of the cardinal directions, "(They) connect people, the seasons, the Sun and Moon's patterns, time, nature, the environment, the cosmos, and ceremonial systems. Observance of the cardinal directions and the Sun essentially ensured life by knowing when it was time to plant, harvest, and hunt for example. Pueblo Bonito is a physical manifestation of these ideas."

The Pueblo people grew corn, beans and squash in addition to hunting and gathering. They traded with their neighbors to the four directions and appeared to be quite stable in their ability to survive and prosper. They built dams and channels to capture the limited rain water that fell. They bore holes in the sandstone to store food and built massive kivas for gatherings and most likely ceremonial purposes.

Pueblo Bonito consists of seven hundred rooms and is thought to have housed up to twelve hundred people and this is only one of the many great houses of the canyon. People would have also poured in and out of this central 'downtown' location depending on the time of year and/or periods of trade and harvest.

But then they disappeared.. or rather relocated throughout the southwest. The question was why. How does a population grow, thrive and prosper for hundreds of years only to one day pick up and leave? There are no definite answers to these questions although there is evidence of drought. It was also possible that due to an increased population more intensive farming occurred resulting in soil quality depletion and eventual crop failures. But again there are no easy answers and no writing left on the walls.

What strikes me is the idea of how the human animal is subject to the ebb and flow of nature. These people lived within nature and were tied to its rhythms and processes, and perhaps they understood when it was time to move or perhaps they like many other civilizations throughout history were forced to move as a result of collapse.

I think for the most part the average human being has lost a sense of cyclical time and even linear history. There are places like this throughout the world that serve as reminders that things change, and change is the only constant. There are things happening in the heavens and in nature that affect us here on earth, but we have grown so disconnected. We'd rather watch TV and assume that everything is fine, lock ourselves into the consensus trance, and block out reality in favor of not thinking or experiencing what IS.

Places like Chaco serve as reminders for us here in the present. I feel it would be wise to heed the warnings they offer, because even if the picture isn't crystal clear, it speaks to us of the fact that regardless of what we may do to prepare, we as animals in nature are vulnerable to the tides of change.

peace,
d

Got a little grungy having not showered for a few days. Hence it was time to bathe and shave in a steel mug! Desperate times call for desperate measures.
peace,
d

Monday, November 17, 2008
Location: Between Aztec and Chaco Canyon, Angels Peak

I was thinking about yoga and martial arts today while driving. I was thinking about that peace that comes with those practices. I was contemplating where that peace comes from. Does it come from the physical practice, yes, but where does it come from… what’s the source? Then I realized that it comes from within. It’s obvious I guess... hehe.. “Inner Peace”

We draw it out using these tools, but in reality, the essence of it is in us. We bring the peace out from within. Peace doesn’t come from the outside, from someone making our day perfect, from everything going according to our plan. Peace doesn’t come from some extraneous place. It comes from within. It comes from following our personal truth (dharma). This doesn’t imply to be selfish or thoughtless of others. It is important to be kind and loving in the pursuit of our path, but the path must still be taken if it is true to our personal intuition and being, if it speaks to us.

And when it comes to another person following their dharma in a direction we dislike, it is up to us to acknowledge their truth and be kind and loving with our thoughts and opinions. In the end we have to recognize that we are unable to control the universe or anything around us. We can fight for power and authority and be afraid of everything beyond ourselves OR we can rest naturally and let things be and take the time to practice and hopefully arrive at that place within our selves… Inner Peace! Dude…

peace;-)
d

Monday, November 17, 2008
Location: Between Aztec and Chaco Canyon, Angels Peak

I’m heading towards Taos for an interview on the 25th with the founder of Earthship Biotecture. On the way I’m passing through all these ancient sites. Places where people have been building and living for thousands of years. It’s incredible how the theme of my film is carrying me along while also writing itself. I’m twisting down the continent through the ancients while exploring the modern... I love it when I have epiphanies while writing… It’s not a question of where we are (although being in the now is what life is all about) it’s about where we have been as humans, and where we’re going.

Ahhsoo.. anyways meant to write about van life... It’s good out here in the desert in the middle of nowhere. I stopped by the BLM office today in Farmington and got a map of this place out in the middle of desert. It’s funny because I’m surrounded by oil and gas infrastructure. It’s mind desert fairly endless in all directions, dotted by oil and gas. People don’t mind, it’s jobs out on the land, jobs that allows the cities to exist. Allow economic growth. Allow everything from mom and pop shops to big box giants.

Oh, I was listening to the radio while driving and they were saying the retail market was way down, everyone was reporting a loss, everyone except Wallmart. Isn’t that amazing? Everyone is losing money and because everyone is losing money, everyone is pinching pennies, and because everyone is pinching pennies, everyone is going to the cheapest store around, and the cheapest store around is one of the worlds largest corporations. Hmmmm!

Oh, it gets even better. All of the stuff is made in China! So the money is continuing to go off shore. Meanwhile the United states is appealing to foreign nations for money, and potentially giving them more power in the International Monetary Fund.

Globalization baby…

The worlds international corporations no longer have national interests so their working to globalize the world, and I would argue, working towards global governance.

“The 51 largest economies in the world today are corporations” –Annie Leonard (The Story of Stuff)

Ask and ye shall receive.

Vote with your dollars!

Get what you pay for!

I can’t help but think it’s a beautiful system. So sophisticated.

Looking back at the ruins north of here in Aztec and back in Mesa Verde I can’t help think about markets and trade. The market system came naturally, he who had the goods, controlled the people and therefore the system. Ah, but I don’t think back then it was about control, I don’t think the people had that in their mindset. Back then it was most likely about sharing, to ensure survival.

Now we survive pretty well. The beautiful irony of it all. Now we’re so beautifully comfortable… and our comfort has led to complacence.

But now, what’s this, up in the sky? A god, no it’s just the market changing like the clouds, creating a sense of necessity… creating a sense of economic doom, creating a workforce and labor pool. I say nice work, now just create a green technological economic boom in which everyone can work, and do it here not offshore (that’s the challenge) People are desperate for it. That’s my hope for the future. Of course we need to keep the current number of oil and gas jobs, but put expansion, growth and education behind new technologies. Solar technology is simple to learn as a trade, as is wind.

Oh and building… see I’m ranting… we need to start changing the way we build. We need to employ traditional knowledge like south facing windows as heat sources, and simple natural air flow venting as cooling systems. We have to stop building things that work against nature… the model in case you’re wondering is a poorly insulated box.

Did you know that the pueblo of Mesa Verde used to shove prayer sticks into the cracks in the rock overhangs above? Now what’s amazing, is if one of the prayer sticks was to fall out, the people would know that the rock overhang above their home had become unstable.

See… tangents, I was talking about living in a van. It’s nice living in a van sometimes. Today I stocked up on candles and food. I haven’t had candles in here for a long time. A single candle lights my entire space and makes my van feel like a temple, like a sacred space. It is a sacred space for me, a place of contemplation, learning, silence, movement, energy, inertia, time, steadiness, and sometimes, when I’ve found my way without trying, it becomes a place of synchronistic balance.

peace,
d

Sunday, November 16, 2008
Location: The National Forest Just North of Mancos, Colorado

Just got back from my second full day up on Mesa Verde. I arrived at the mesa late Friday afternoon and entering the park without paying I had little idea what I was getting myself into. Now, the only reason I didn’t pay is because there was nobody in the pay booth at the entrance, and the sign said pay at visitor centre. What the sign failed to mention was that the visitor centre was fifteen miles away, straight up, at the top of the mesa at 7000ft.

When I finally make it up the hairpin turns with steep cliffs keeping my company all the while, I arrive at the visitor centre with sign that reads, “closed for the season” and “museum open” and another sign “5 miles”…

So on I go, hell I’ve come this far. I drive along the winding road on the top of the mesa and it hits me, it’s 4:50pm and the museum probably closes at 5pm. All this way, and to be honest all I really wanted when I entered the gate was one of those handy little maps they give you of National Parks so you know where you’re going. I wanted one so I could plan my attack for tomorrow before going to bed. Twenty miles straight up, for a dinky little map.

I arrive at the museum at 4:55, jump out of the van and run inside. Not a soul around. I stand at the counter looking at all Mesa Verde has to offer, and then out of nowhere ShaZAaaam!!! Appears Ranger Craig Westover laughing and smiling, “I thought I was almost out of here, I just did my final sweep, you just caught me!” It’s the end of the day and Craig’s energy is like lightening in a bottle, and although I’m stressed and exhausted from the drive up, his energy is contagious and now I’m laughing and smiling, “I just drove all the way up here… all the way up here man… for one of those little maps you guys have!” We both have a laugh and Craig takes in a little overtime explaining all there is to see at Mesa Verde, when the best light hits each site, and finally where I can sleep, once I get back down to earth that is.

After sleeping that first night here at my spot in the National Forest, I’m back up and into the park, this time paying turning away the map, “I already have one thank you.” The ranger at the pay gate looks puzzled… if he only knew.

Once on top of Mesa Verde I’m shooting the sights and it isn’t long before I run into Ranger Craig again, man this guy is everywhere! And again he fills me in on some great info about the Mesa as well as the surrounding area of the four corners. Talking to him I feel like I’m tapping into an encyclopedia of information. It’s great and much needed since I’m pretty lost down in this part of the world and I’m going on intuition and a dead road atlas.

I spend the next two days back and forth between my sleep spot and the high plateau of Mesa Verde shooting the ruins. This place is magical and powerful. It’s mind-blowing to imagine all the unexcavated sites that cover the mesa top and the cliff side villages and buildings a thousand years ago teeming with people. To think of them working to survive; hunting, making tools, pottery, baskets, growing beans, corn and squash while continuing to build their structures. One tourist joked with me while I was filming Cliff Palace, “No obesity back then!” So true, these people understood survival at its core, they lived in a reality without linear time but instead a continual process of creation and destruction.

They were tied into the world of nature, the world they lived in. We ourselves have become immersed, just like McLuhan said, in a technological reality void of nature, or a new technological nature.

Yet in this new world, we fail to plug ourselves into reality, instead plugging ourselves into the technology. We plug ourselves into cars, computers, pavement, office buildings, TV, video games, radio, couches, coffee tables, countertops, crock pots… where was I going with this… it’s ALL technology. And the problem isn’t that we’re not plugging into nature, the problem is that most of us aren’t plugging into anything except noise, we’re distracted by the technological messaging to the extent that we can’t perceive what’s happening behind it.

The ancient pueblo here used to craft pottery with the local soil, they used to watch the weather change, weave baskets out of yucca fiber, build their homes, tell stories, talk, sit, listen…

Being at Mesa Verde really affected me. I’m seeing it now. Spending three days looking back in time. It’s amazing. And realizing that the people left, after hundreds of years and countless generations, something wasn’t working, or something was changing for the worst. Either they had a prolonged drought, depleted their soil quality from over-intensive farming, or came under attack by competing tribes… either way they left… changed locations… and haven’t returned.

What happens to a people when things collapse for whatever reason? I guess they just dissipate… Go someplace better and hope no one else is already there.

peace,
d

I've been ranting about alternative energy for some time and it's funny that my website alternative energy section (dated 2006 and underdeveloped) actually includes quotes regarding Germany and it's progressive nature with respect to alternative.

Anyways here's a great segment done by the fifth estate on Canada versus Germany.. and how the writing from my site was the writing on the wall, even back then.

http://www.cbc.ca/fifth/2008-2009/the_gospel_of_green/video.html

From my site, originally from Walrus Magazine,

"After years of neglect, Canada's alternative-energy sector produces just 4.5 percent of Canada's total production. As if declaring its preference, Ottawa gives the oil industry $1.6 billion in subsidies each year , and companies such as Suncor and Canadian Natural Resources will spend nearly $100 billion to develop the Alberta oil sands over the next two decades. In doing so, vast amounts of new carbon emissions will be created in almost open defiance of the Kyoto Protocol."

"We are light years behind, oil has an built-in subsidy advantage, and we haven't compensated the other side by giving subsidies to other energy sources." - David Anderson, Former Canadian Environment Minister

"In 1999, Spain produced the same amount of electricity generated by wind as Canada. Now, Spain has 8,000 megawatts in place and expects to have 20,000 by 2011. Canada, by comparison, has 590 megawatts of installed capacity and is aiming for 7,500 megawatts by 2013... Germany put in 10,000 megawatss of wind energyin the last four years - and yet Canada has much better wind resources." In fact, the Wind Energy Association calculates that Ontario alone has the potential to produce 40,000 megawatts, and puts Quebec's potential at a whopping 100,000 megawatts - nearly the equivilent to the country's entire electrical consumption."

"... since 1997, when Canada first agreed to reduce greenhouse gases, Ottawa has been spending $2 a barrel on oil and gas tax subsidies for every $1 it has spent on reaching it's Kyoto goal... How can this be part of a consistent government policy?"

Above excerpts taken from The Hydrogen Generation, The Walrus Magazine, Dec 2006

Friday November 14, 2008
Location: Monticello, Utah

Yesterday I raced down to Monticello and touched base with Fritz Pipkin at his store in the center of town. I set up an interview for this morning and having the rest of the day to kill I decided to head down to Monument Valley to capture what promised to be a beautiful sunset.

I left around 1pm and arrived at around 3 still lots of time before the sun went down. I've seen some extraordinary places on this journey and in seeing Monument Valley I assumed there had to be more. I decided to head down to Kayenta and then back up around the Valley on the south side. I assumed that along this vast stretch of highway I'd encounter more magical buttes and just in time to capture the reds of the setting sun. Oh how wrong I was!

I went around the Valley only to end up far away from anything worth shooting when the sun was in it's prime... I missed the sunset, and it left me miserable. It's been a hard back to the van, with poor eating, a body racked from driving, an anxious dog, unshaven, unshowered, and in the middle of nowhere when all I want it to be the somewhere where I just was where I decided to go against my intuition to nowhere..hehe.

Anyways, I pull into a nice sleep spot, shave and bath out of a stainless steel mug.. and try my best to let a bad day go... and realize that everything is where it needs to be.

This morning I woke up and headed back into Monticello do do my interview with Fritz and his wife Barbara. I had a great interview and now I'm doing my laundry after a good breakfast of bacon and eggs before I head east towards Mesa Verde. I have a blog on Monticello and Fritz.. but it'll have to wait for later this eve or tomorrow when I have more time to write.

peace,
d

Tuesday November 11, 2008
Location, Desert South of Moab

So I finally left Moab late at night and found my way to the desert south of the La Sal Mountains. It's always hard to leave a place and some semblance of community. It's hard to be back out on the road alone, talking to Liz back in the hub of Denver while I sit eating peanut butter sandwiches by moonlight while Moses is outside off chasing jack rabbits. But hey, suck it up, this is the life I've chosen and the ups and downs are always present, there will be moments of solitude but also moments of great sharing and joy with the people I meet. You have to experience the darkness to enjoy the light.

Tomorrow I head down to Newspaper Rock and then I'll head to sleep in Indian Creek before hunting for ruins the next morning, then off to Monticello to touch base with Fritz Pipkin of Victims of Uranium Tailings.

peace,
d

“Perhaps a person gains by accumulating obstacles. The more obstacles set up to prevent happiness from appearing, the greater the shock when it does appear, just as the rebound of a spring will be all the more powerful the greater the pressure that has been exerted to compress it. Care must be taken, however, to select large obstacles, for only those of sufficient scope and scale have the capacity to lift us out of context and force life to appear in an entirely new and unexpected light. For example, should you litter the floor and tabletops of your room with small objects, they constitute little more than a nuisance, an inconvenient clutter that frustrates you and leaves you irritable: the petty is mean. Cursing, you step around the objects, pick them up, knock them aside. Should you, on the other hand, encounter in your room a nine-thousand pound granite boulder, the surprise it evokes, the extreme steps that must be taken to deal with it, compel you to see with new eyes. And if the boulder is more special, if it has been painted or carved in some mysterious way, you may find that it possesses an extraordinary and supernatural presence that enchants you, and in coping with it – as it blocks your path to the bathroom – leaves you feeling extraordinary and supernatural, too. Difficulties illuminate existence, but they must be fresh and of high quality.”

- Tom Robbins, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, pg158

After leaving Paradox I slept up on Pine Ridge south of the La Sal Mountains. A potential interview with a couple building an off the grid home south of Moab fell through today so tomorrow it's back to Paradox to interview a man who used to work for Atlas Mines in the Old Moab Uranium Mill in the late sixties. This man fell into a vat of what they call yellow cake in the trade.. which is pretty much pure Uranium... After he fell in he had to drive himself home and have a shower and change clothes.. they didn't even provide for him at the site. Can you imagine.. those were the days. He is heavily opposed to the proposed Uranium Mill in Paradox stating.. "I've worked at a Mill... and unless they can prove to me that they'll clean up after they're gone and that they'll have safer work standards, I'm dead against it!"

He's been itchy for 41yrs and has yet to receive compensation from the Atomic Energy Commission or Atlas Mine which is now long since bankrupt. Same old story.

Here are some images from my sleep spot up on Pine Ridge where Moses enjoyed a nice old hunk of hunter's leftovers.

peace,
d

Nov 10, 2008
La Sal Mountains, Utah

I just woke to frost-covered windows, had some granola and yogurt, finished off the cold remnants of yesterday mornings coffee, and now I’m curled up under blankets writing.

Yesterday I left Moab and headed south to a place called Paradox. I know, it was bound to happen. I came in search of a woman named Marie Moore who is working to fight against a Uranium Mill being planned for the eastern end of the Paradox Valley.

Driving into the Paradox Valley was breathtaking. Hwy 46 takes you out of the desert and up along the southern slope of the La Sal Mountains, on the other side you drop back down into tree-filled canyons twisting and turning beside the roadway. Finally you head back up a final rise and the Paradox Valley is revealed before you.

There’s not too much here, three hundred people, cows, and pure unadulterated beauty. The place reminds me a little of Zion Canyon in the sense that it appears to be an oasis. Water, grasslands, trees, and animals all protected by the valley walls on either side. It blows my mind that they are planning to build a uranium mill here.

I find Marie at her home nestled up against one of the canyon slopes. (Her son Joss later tells me that that slopes act as a heat storage unit, and after a hot day the hillside emits warmth long after the sun has gone down) Marie has been living here off the grid for seventeen years. She has a well, solar power, and wood heat when needed. Seventeen years, it blows my mind. Her home is broken into out buildings, her kitchen in a round straw bale structure, two green houses that hold all sorts of vegetables, a pond storing water in case the pump or solar panels break down, the battery bank shed with the inverters and battery bank, the two buildings holding sleeping quarters and libraries, and a small sweat lodge. It’s almost a small village. She tells me that on cold days it would be nice if everything was connected but for most of the year it’s warm and pleasant outside. I think it’s a nice idea to have a home that forces you to be connected to the elements, but would dread those cold winter mornings walking to the kitchen to make bread.

Marie and I easily fill a tape with dialog about the proposed uranium mill. While baking pumpkin pie she explains that uranium ore itself isn’t too harmful, but the mill will grind it down into a fine dust, once most of the uranium is extracted the dust will go into large evaporation ponds, and once the water has been separated the dust tailings will be piled in tailing piles. Big storms will likely carry this dust east out over Telluride. Not to mention wherever else it may travel contaminating clear air, water and soil. If it goes ahead, I wouldn’t be too interested in eating Paradox Valley beef, I tell you that. Marie tells me that the fact is it only takes one radioactive molecule to cause cancer. It doesn’t always happen, but it’s all it takes.

What I’ve found most interesting down here is that most of the companies involved in uranium mining down here are Canadian. And what is even more strange is the question of where all the uranium is going… Australia is the world leader in uranium extraction and the markets seem to have been flooded and prices are extremely low, yet the mining continues. The question I have is where is all the uranium headed to? What is it being used for and why is Canada importing large amounts of it? Where is it going? Into nuclear power plants, weapons of mass destruction, is there anything else they use uranium for? I’m pretty ignorant on the whole subject, so it’s something for me to look into.

But in any case, it makes you wonder…

peace,
d

Being an analytical thought junkie, I can't just let this transition of presidential power go as is. There's this part of me that feels everything about this U.S. election was far too easy. I can't help but think about all the trillions of dollars that have gone into the military industrial complex in the past few years.. and where is that money now. Now that the huge power brokers behind Bush are sitting pretty with idle hands and nothing to do. Sure they'll continue to make billions off war, regardless of who is president, but I worry that there is something more to all this. Maybe I'm just so entrenched in the fear mindset of the last decade that I can't accept that everything is ok.

But for me.. it's far to simple.

I went to a BBQ last night and much of these ideas were being tossed about by people probably far more informed than I, and having been out in the desert for most of the campaign and the actual win on Tuesday night I was forced to take stock of how and what I feel these days.

Although I'm elated that a democrat is in power, I don't think it changes too much when it comes to the fact that the 51 largest economies on the planet are not nation states but are corporations. To this end I think the notion of the U.S as the center of the universe is slipping away only to be replaced by a hybrid China/U.S. big box corporate enterprise. I don't feel these new global interest care much about the American people or even who is president. I think in this new global corporate reality borders are becoming irrelevant except as lines that separates consumer wealth and labor pools. And I don't think that bodes to well for the U.S. a country heavily in debt with a standard of living that makes outsourcing to other nations ideal. I personally feel that the future may be anything but American Made.

It was all to easy... I don't think it really matters, since as someone said last night, it's not about who is president, it's about a shift in consciousness among the people. Even if Obama is simply another figurehead the people are inspired for change and the people hopefully will run with that new consciousness and build a better future. This consciousness shift also isn't held back by borders and seems to have spread around the globe, as my mother in Canada and family in Europe are brought to tears of relief every time they hear Obama speak.

I hope that hope is harnessed and directed into change and I hope that America does find a way out of the current mess it's gotten itself into. I hope a new economic bubble is created and I hope that bubble is built upon a vision of a sustainable future, non-linear thinking, and green innovation.

But again.. what I fear is how the idle hands with trillions of dollars will respond to this sea change. We must not forget that there are still two months before he is the actual President. Two months is a long time on a global playing field where money is no object and a war with Pakistan or another terrorist attack would change the game completely. People are too quick to assume victory, and as far as I'm concerned the battle has only just begun. I'm sure everything will actually be fine in the short term, but it doesn't mean that I have faith that all is ok in the world.

The true transfer of power has already taken place, it took place over the last eight years as the money went from the American people into the hands of those whose interests don't lay in America and it's future. I think this symbolic transfer of presidential power although very relevant to the world, is small change, and I feel Obama is up against something far larger and powerful than any nation state in the history of the world. It will take uniting the world and its people for real change to occur, and I'm frankly pessimistic in a world where most of us are more concerned with new consumer gadgets, celebrity rags, and our own navels to be mobilized in any real way.

But change in any direction never happens quickly and four years is nothing in the grand scheme of where we're headed. And I don't think it's about what we do in the next few years, but how we respond to the reality we're faced with, whether that reality is manufactured by idle hands or simply a product of the times. We have to react as Americans have in this past election, with a vision for a brighter future, with hope, with love, and with a positive energy that dismantles fear and repression by simply existing as the alternative.

peace,
d
An image taken with the permission of an elder at last years Sun Dance.. I don't know why I've included it here. Maybe because in the end I feel that this human dance of opinion, hope, fear, and inspiration is all rather irrelevant when it comes to true power, and it's important for us to remember that political parties, the left and the right, and the industrial military complex haven't really been around all that long... and all things come to pass.

Indeed!

Nov 6, 2008
Location: 'Chasing Sunrise', Utah

I finally escaped the confines of my poison ivy and my cheap motel room and headed out in search of a sunrise at Mesa Arch. My first night back in the desert was cold and snowy reminding me that it's time to head south for warmer pastures.

The next morning I awoke to frost covered windows and barely got Veronica started before heading out to Canyonlands National Park. I was met in the park by clouds but decided to shoot Mesa Arch anyway. I then hiked down to False Kiva and shot some more.. but the weather was less than perfect.

I camped another night out in the desert and repeated the routine the next day.. again no sunrise.. and when the sun did come out I was bombarded by Chinese photographers who stole my sunshine. But that's ok.. the light wasn't ideal anyways.. and they being from China had further to travel.

After running the dog on back roads, I headed out to Dead Horse Point where again the weather was anything but ideal.. looks like another night in the desert.

The next morning I awoke to clouds, but felt intuitively that they were going to break. So I headed down to Mesa Arch one more time to find some nice sunlight and a beautiful timelapse with clouds in the background over the La Sal Mountains.

Instead of taking the Hwy back to Moab I decided to travel cross country via Gemini Bridges. Veronica always blows my mind with her ability to act Jeep and traverse the most rugged of terrains. We bumped and shook along while Moses tore through the underbrush outside my door. With things throughout my van's interior only slightly rearranged, we arrived at Gemini Bridges late in the afternoon. I talked to Liz via cell, took a nap and awaited the sunset on the La Sals. And what a sunset it was, finishing off my tape and rounding out a great three days of shooting.

peace,
d

I like this.. I don't know where I got it.. but I like it.

There are four stages to changing a behavior.

1) Unconscious Incompetence: You are not aware that you are doing a limiting behavior.

2) Conscious Incompetence: You become aware of the behavior, but are unable to change.

3) Conscious Competence: You can catch the behavior and change. At first you catch it a while after you do it but with conscious practice, the window is shortened until you can stop yourself before you do the old behavior and substitute the new behavior.

4) Unconscious Competence: You are using the new behavior without thinking about it.

peace,
d

October Nov 1, 2008
Moab, Utah

Man… what a journey this is. Liz and I just spent a blissful five days back in Moab talking and coming back together after a tumultuous few weeks apart. It was good to see her and spend time with her again. Things have changed between us for the better, there’s a different look in her eye as I’m sure there is also in mine. Our individual machinations have served as good medicine for each other and now I think the transmutation has taken place. The poisonous aspects that existed within us have given way to new perspectives and new echelons of personal growth. It’s nice to feel awake again and feel as though we’ve reached a new plateau to explore together.

Liz Left on Monday and I was geared up and ready to get moving again, only to come to a complete stop.

First Monday night, settling back into my solitude, I took Moses for a walk at 10pm. We entered Mill Creek Trail and he immediately tore off into the woods after a cat. I call him back only to hear a yelp and minute later to see him heading back towards me through the darkness, tail between legs. And what’s that?… Something chasing him… a SKUNK!!! He nears me as I am backing away and I am hit by the smell. The skunk chasing him has turned it’s backside for a second assault on us both, but he’s out of range, thank god. But he’s already won and I am left in the dark with a skunkdog.

This is the second time in a week and a half that Moses has been sprayed. As before I drag him down into the river with a bottle of camp soap and scrub him down. This cleans him up somewhat for the van but mostly just transfers the musk oils onto me. He hops reeking into the van and I suck it up as I drive to the local gas station where I know there’s a hose.

I know from last week’s attempted cleaning that tomato juice doesn’t do a thing. So this week I avoid that step and go straight to Dawn liquid dish soap. I use half a bottle and when he shakes his black fur transforms into a white cloud of foam, but it seems to cut the oils. Afterwards I dry him and then spray him down with vanilla glade air freshener… he is not amused… but I don’t really care.

We finally settle into our vanilla scented sleep spot around midnight… my new solitude is not going so well… I miss Liz.

The next day I awake to an overwhelmingly itchy body. I scratch and scratch before it dawns on me like that liquid soap dawned on Moses. It seems my wonder-pooch did not only find a skunk last night but also found a plentiful patch of poison ivy.

Over the next few days the rash spreads forcing me to leave the van for a clean hotel room with shower. I fork over the cash only to isolate myself, watch movies while laying covered in calamine lotion. The world outside moves on and my ambition and desire to roll has long since vanished in the wake of an itch that feels like a Chinese torture device has me in it’s grip.

After two days I’ve lost it and head to the only thing open on weekends; the local hospital emergency room. I enquire as to the cost of seeing a doctor, although at this point anything seems reasonable. I go ahead see a doctor who prescribes me steroid cream and optional steroid pills to kick the itch that now covers a vast proportion of my body.

I rent more movies, spend two more days in a cheap motel and finally start to feel better. Today I awoke, checked out, cleaned the van, washed all my blankets and clothes in case of residual contamination, and now I’m finally getting back to work. I’ve shipped some film stock home, cleaned and organized, walked the dog and am finally blogging with a new heart and a new skin.

A few weeks ago when I was going through the transition back to Liz, I was walking the dog when a big yellow snake crossed my path. Snake represents transmutation of poison into medicine, life transition and shedding the old skin in favor of the new. I guess the peeling rash that adorns me is simply a part of that process.

peace,
d

October 15, 2008
Moab, Utah

Sometimes you hurt the people you love... sometimes you try to find the right way, only to find the wrong way, back to the right way.

Let’s get honest… I’m really good at acting as a mirror but when it comes to my own reflection the image apparent to me is anything but clear. I’m good at pointing fingers at people, but I often forget the four pointing back at me. I’m good at convincing myself that everything is ok and going according to plan, when in fact, I have no idea what OK even means anymore or even if there is a plan???

I’m good as long as no one challenges me, cramps my style, makes me take a hard look inwards, or refuses to settle into my personal settlement.

But the fact is… I have issues J Don’t we all.

Any woman I’ve ever been with will tell you I love to let them in, but only so far. I love to love them, as long as they don’t have any expectations, or insist on loving me back. I love to get deep and metaphysical, as long as the lens is focused outwards and involves pushing boundaries that aren’t necessarily mine.

…

Ok, maybe I’m being a little self-deprecating here. I do listen, I do look inwards, and in fact I’m rather addicted to personal growth. But there comes a time and place when you can’t break through things alone. In these moments you need someone you love to give you a boost, a push, or drop you on your head, push you off the plank, not back down, be strong… or all of the above and beyond.

What you need in times like these is someone to help in an Assisted Spiritual Suicide. Someone to help you confront and kill off a side of yourself that’s been holding you back. Someone to administer the lethal love injection that brings old patterns and machinations to the light… and once in that light, any darkness within us has little chance of survival.

My brother says it should be Assisted Ego Suicide since it’s really a matter of confronting and killing the ego… I agree but feel my way rings better… and I think it’s ok to kill off unhealthy spiritual aspects through a spiritual death of sorts.

So you may be wondering what the hell I’m talking about… really. Well I’m talking about love and my own personal fear of love, a fear that I’ve had to take a hard look at recently with some help from a crazy beautiful woman.

I told someone recently that you can’t pick your healers in this life, you can’t choose your teachers, and it seems that they usually blindside you when you’re not looking. A select few come into your life and throw you off balance, and once off balance the healing work comes easy. I think there’s something here… I’ve always strived for balance, aikido, meditation, healthy living… but all of this balance I’m finding these days is just another way of approaching control. If I’m balanced then I’m not off balance, and if I’m not off balance I can assume everything is fine and ignore the imbalances that may still exist hidden in an air of balance.

Anyways, back to teachers. Who would’ve thunk… that one of my greatest teachers would come in the form of a beautiful, petite, delicate, raven-haired flower with a jersey accent. A woman whose power, strength and wisdom lay well hidden behind youth, joy, hugs, smiles, and her own personal issues and imbalances.

Frankly, I never saw it coming. I don’t think either of us did.

After Burning Man when I headed back out onto the road I dropped Liz on her head. I left her not just physically but spiritually. We had been through a lot, and as usual, my way of dealing with the overload was to isolate myself, cut myself off, and work. I withdrew my love… told her and myself it was over, and carried on alone. But I was lying, the master of illusion in me had created the perfect combination of smoke and mirrors… but I wasn’t only deceiving others, I was deceiving myself. In fact, my love was still heavily vested in togetherness.

Liz did as I had asked her… she let go. The way I did things didn’t give her much of a choice but to break apart and move on. I broke her heart and she responded with I love you. But she did let go… In letting go she now tells me she found something else, a realization that she was ok, a realization that she was strong, and a realization that although she loved me, she didn’t need me.

I in the meantime had been out working and walking and realizing how my fear of love had shaped my reality. I came to a point where I fell apart in the face of the realization of how our patterns fed into each other. I broke down, into and through with crystalline clarity the reality of how, as perfect mirrors, we had been hurting each other. Our personal histories intertwined and became entangled to the point of something beautifully disastrous. The disaster became the catalyst, and the catalyst sent us both reeling through personal pain and destruction to the point where we alone had to do the work to put ourselves back together. And as we ourselves came back together we found ourselves as a couple finding our way back together.

Aunt Betty once asked me what love is… I didn’t really have an answer back then, only a feeling. Having been held back for a lot of my life by a fear of love, I’d say my experience is somewhat limited, but as I see it now,

Love Is… letting go while holding on, confronting yourself so that you may work to become the best version of yourself while helping others around you to do the same… teaching, learning, growing, being patient, being supportive, being human… hurting, crying, laughing, being joyful and free both with yourself and with those you love… Trying, understanding, listening, and communicating to the best of your human ability… Being honest even when it hurts, trusting yourself in another’s hands, and being willing to lay it all on the line even if it feels like it’ll destroy you… Cuddling, caressing, and sometimes careening completely out of control only to find your way back home to each other…

“… the Eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them; there ought to be as many for love.” – Margaret Atwood

peace,
d