Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Location: Pincher Creek, Alberta

I have to apologize. Lately, I haven’t really been in the mood for writing. Just a part of the creative process, like all processes, composed of both ups and downs. Still, I want to apologize, since it’s a disservice to write half-assed, and without heart. If I’m going to do something, I would like to do it with my whole being.

I’m learning. I’m learning that the best time to write is before bed, Moses curled up at my feet, the outside world covered in a blanket of silence, my mind calm and relaxed. Hmm, this says a lot about my mind the rest of the time, I should be working on that.

Tonight Ken and I went out to the Pikanii Reserve to sit and have dinner with Morris, who held the Sweat yesterday morning. We sat and listened to stories, wonderful stories, and I learned. It seems these days all I do is learn. I learn. I learn. I learn.

In learning, I’m changing, and growing, in some ways, into an entirely different person. My old self is still there, as many of my former beliefs are being reinforced, but still, so much within me is shifting.

Tonight on the drive home, Ken and I were talking. I was telling him how I am approaching my film project. I approach this work with the idea that it’s not about me. It’s bigger than me. And, in the case it were to become about me, it would surely fail.

What is it about then?

For me it’s about being the vehicle for the process to take place. Being the conduit through which spirit can gather what it needs to tell a certain story. I work towards getting to a place where I’m no longer thinking, but instead, acting intuitively and operating on faith. In Aikido, the Japanese martial art, they speak of Mushin (No Mind), where one acts without thinking, almost channeling. Along this line of thought, I see myself as simply an implement through which some form of higher power can work. And central to this process is the idea I’ve spoken about often: letting go. The way I see it, the more I let go and arrive at a place of Mushin, the more effective I become. I feel that most of our actions in life are so laden with unnatural control and rigidity. What is created when we truly go with the flow, what happens when we stop for a moment and allow the universe in, instead of unnaturally forcing our ideas outwards upon 'reality'.

On a side note, Ken said something nice tonight that shifted my perspective on my journey. I’ve always considered my project a process of leaving, Ken planted the seed, that, as much as it’s about leaving, it’s also a journey about coming home. I like this thought, because it outlines how everything in life is a matter of perspective, a perspective that with a well timed adjustment, can be turned 180'.

peace,
d